As one of those questionable girls who tends to hop from boyfriend to boyfriend, I've had my share of long-term relationships... and just as many break-ups. The older I get, the more the break-ups tend to be a conversation about compatibility, rather than some fiery disagreement or fateful event. Thinking back over these experiences, I've recently developed a trusty cheat sheet to help myself, and others, more quickly identify a relationship that won't work in the long run, regardless of how much you really, really want it to. Here it is:
1. You don't easily get along with or feel comfortable with each other's friends.
2. You don't get easily along with or feel comfortable with each other's families.
3. One of you ________________ so much that the other one is uneasy and worried about it.
Fill in the blank with any of the possibilities from this list:
drinks
smokes
lies
cheats
gambles
cleans
watches porn
obsesses about sex
shops/spends
plays video games
works
parties
takes pills
is absent
whines/complains
is jealous
4. You have no plans together past next weekend.
5. Your partner always takes the best pillow, the most dessert, or the last of the wine. Similarly, only one of you gives back-scratches, massages, or birthday gifts.
6. You've stopped going out on dates together.
7. You haven't had sex more than a month.
8. In their conversations with you, your friends and family inadvertently describe the relationship in ways that you find upsetting. For instance, "You guys are just such good buddies," or "It's funny how you're always begging her to spend time with you."
9. One of the things you are most attracted to in your partner is his or her "potential."
10. Couples' counseling has been discussed more than once and you're not yet married.
If any one of these signs seems familiar, I'd say it's a red flag regardless of how good other aspects of the relationship might be.
"Love is an act of endless forgiveness,
a tender look that becomes a habit."
-- Peter Ustinov
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5 comments:
Hey RB, thanks for this! I can certainly relate, and I suspect this will come in handy in the future.
11. One of you wallows in umeployment like a lazy little pig.
12. One of you can't spell.
crap. what if none of those apply and it still fails?!?!
and Linda does he really still not have a job?? this isnt just a blog joke? I doubt unemployment checks factor in extra dough for good Christmas gifts.
loved the list :)
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