After three years of uncommonly good housing luck, my spree of domestic bliss may have just come to an abrupt end. Last month, new neighbors moved into the apartment below us. They are a very cute young couple with a very cute baby. You may assume that it would be the baby causing the problem, but you'd be wrong. The problem I'm facing is the dangerous amateur musician with a baby combo. I may never sleep past eight again.
It works like this. Young men in San Francisco seem to almost always see themselves as blossoming musicians. These guys are EVERYWHERE and incredibly difficult to avoid when selecting a) housing, or b) a boyfriend. Are you, reader, a male living in SF under the age of 38? There's an 85% chance you have some kind of musical instrument in your apartment and believe that its being there and the fact that you make it make noise sometimes somehow make you cooler.
One of the greatest mysteries around is why these guys think they need to bless the world to their musical stylings, because they -- almost without exception -- are not good. They play the same stupid song, or piece of a song, over and over and over and over. And then again. Twenty more times. Frequently they make the same mistake each time, too, which is a real treat for those of us forced by the proximity of our apartments to listen.
To validate my expertise in this area, I want you to know that I have lived with or next to, and/or dated guys who think they can play:
the piano
the guitar (x5)
the banjo
the mandolin
the drums
the xylophone
the saxophone
turn tables (not really an instrument, but equally annoying)
I digress... Back to the update on our new neighbor situation. Young Dad down there seems to have both a guitar (of course) and an electric keyboard synthesizer thing. And he likes to sing.
To her credit, I have not heard the baby once. But she is equally guilty, for people with babies and small children become accustomed to waking up at 6am or earlier (even on the weekends). This family is no exception, I'm sure. As a result, Young Dad downstairs believes that electric keyboard synthesizer practice at 8am on a Sunday is okay. After all, he's probably been up for hours!
Honestly, it's enough to make me want to buy a treadmill and start jogging up here at 10:30 each night.
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P.S. If you do not feel bad for me, let me tell you that one of Young Dad's favorite things to do is to turn on the electric keyboard synthesizer thing (EKST) to one of its auto beats. Do you remember from the 80s? They all had stored background rythyms, some with a melody, that would play on auto for as long as you want? The very same feature that homeless guys downtown sometimes use to try and trick you into thinking they're busking? Yeah, that. He turns that feature on, and then PLAYS HIS GUITAR ALONG WITH IT. And sometimes he sings, too.
I can almost taste the Bossa Nova.
Also Annie please chime in about your Oaktizzle neighbor (amateur lawyer, professional bad musician).
Johnny D. has been writing and recording an album for the last 6 months. But he's pretty good.
yes, yes....a love for the ukelele that neighbor had...he'd sit out front and play songs over and over again. sometimes breaking in the middle to correct a bad chord he sang. sometimes wierd females would sit out with him and have looks of awe...i dont know why. he eventually brought in a full band (with amps) inside the apt. it never sounded good. also, one of the songs he played over and over again was the song steve martin played on his ukelele in the jerk. it gets stuck in your head. funny when my landlord hinted about how he was a very nice single man when i moved in, and when i told her oh, i have a boyfriend, she said "i dont see a ring on your finger"
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